I have occasional bathroom issues caused by food sensitivities (damn your delicious yet toxic nature, nacho cheese).
These bathroom issues involves pooping a bunch of times in one day. The frequent pooping and wiping severely irritate my poor butthole, aggravating hemorrhoids and anal fissures.
I know lots of people around here swear by the miracle of bidets, but before I start shopping around, I’m wondering if there are any naysayers out there who just don’t like bidets, along with why that’s the case.
Bonus question: how do I use a bidet? Most of the instructions I’ve found are a bit delicate about the details. Anyone want to give me a detailed description of how and what to do?
My swollen, bloody anus thanks you.
I am not a naysayer so I cant answer that part of your question, but as for what I do with our bidet: theres a little knob that I turn that starts the water spray at my butt, sometimes I might have to adjust the way Im sitting for it to hit the right area. For regular poops I spray for only a few seconds, but for gnarly ones I might do 10-20 seconds with some moving around to cover the whole area. Once I consider myself sprayed, I grab a few squares of TP and wipe to dry. Flush, wash hands, done
The knob can also control the strength of the stream; if I recall correctly, digital bidets’ (the kind with warming and a whole set of buttons) spray strength options are more discrete. Maximum intensity is too much for me, but if you have an analog bidet, then turning the knob only a little and adjusting the way I sit as needed is quite effective.
I truly don’t want to meet the person with the butthole than can withstand my bidet’s max stream. Mine has like 7+ dots to mark intensity and I can barely go to 2 and I feel like I’ll start striping skin anything higher. Idk maybe it’s for hairy butts?? If so then I understand, but that pressure on raw hole is scary.
Yes, this is the procedure. I would miss my bidet if it went away. And the cold water doesn’t bother me–it’s rather bracing and refreshing!
The only thing I would change about mine is that I wish I could fine-tune the pressure dial. There’s a very small range between “OFF” and “FIREHOSE”–but I have the basic, entry-level model.
For us as kids we just used it as a second toilet. We obit had one working bathroom so one takes a shit the other pees in the bidet.
I don’t own one, but any of the times I’ve ever tried using some sort of fancy toilet seat with a sprayer, it squirts at such a force that it’s uncomfortable. It sucks because I have IBS and I have to be really picky about TP.
You get used to it after a couple uses - as in knowing where to position and how much knob to use. It’s always uncomfortable if you aren’t used to it.
Most models have adjustable pressure settings. I suggest you give another go at it but turn it all the way down. I’ve used bidets during many diarrhea occasions and my behind wasn’t left bleeding as opposed to using just toilet paper.
I’ve had one since about 2018 and I swear by it. Same kinda issue as you, sensitive stomach that results in 2+ BMs a day. I have the cheap kind because I have no access to the hot water or an outlet at the toilet. The cold water takes a little bit to get used to but once you’re used to it, it can be refreshing, even when it’s -40C out.
Like others I set the strength where I want and then blast the sides of the arse followed by some sustained starfish soaking. Let drip dry for a few min then use a few squares to dry and check for skids. The cleanliness afterwards is SO much higher than just TP. Plus on hot days sometimes a shot of cold water to the bum is refreshing and helps cool you down. Definitely helps with swamp ass.
I have 2 in my home, one is the fancy one (not that fancy but 200 bucks from Costco on sale) the other is basic. Fancy one I feel like anyone would love, seat is warmed a little on cold mornings, has a heated tank for a perfectly gentle temperature, can adjust pressure and position (forward or back), can have a gentle pulse for extra cleaning assistance, and a dryer. The basic one is unheated and has a pressure knob that can go from gentle all the way up to blast you off the toilet, and you have to adjust yourself to the right spot. If you’re willing to spend more for the nice options and have an outlet close enough to your toilet you’ll likely be very happy. The basic one I’m very happy to use if the other is inaccessible and took some getting used to but still miles better than nothing. I never feel clean without a bidet anymore.
HOW does the fancy one adjust? Is it motorized so you can do it while sitting down, or you have to reach in there and adjust it then sit back down, then adjust, then sit back down and then adjust hoping that you finally got it right.
We got no outlets that are that close to the tank which kills any interest in me trying one out since having just cold water is pretty much a deal breaker in my opinion. I know I could wire one in there, but this is obviously more work.
It has a remote control, so you just tap the button for forward or back and it adjusts.
This might sound gross, but in our culture, we use a bottle of water and our hands to rinse and wipe. can’t get any cleaner than that. and yes, we ofc wash our hands thoroughly afterwards.
I know you’re not wrong, I just don’t think I could ever get my hand involved in that. I’ve seen portable ones, that are what you describe. I’ve also seen what look like the sprayers we have on our kitchen sinks, all the way to the crazy Toto ones that are part of the actual toilet itself.
It’s really not any different than washing off mud from your skin.
Also, before we got old enough to do it ourselves, our moms used to rinse our butts after we had finished pooping.
I know. I logically do. I get it. BUT there is a huge mental block for me on that one.
FWIW I wasn’t trying to be rude, or an asshole.
All good, mate! 😂
I have long nails so I have no idea how that would work for me. And what do you do in a public toilet? I’m imagining a lot of poopy hands touching doors! Nothing wrong with the way you do it if it works for you though.
It’s not gross at all, just unfamiliar to many of us.
Could I ask, would a bidet be comfortable for you to use or would you prefer a pot or bottle of water in any case?
I do have a bidet, kind of… it’s one of those attachments you assemble onto the toilet seat. And I surely do prefer it bc of the convenience.
When I’m on vacation thou, I get myself a bottle.
In public toilets, I wetten some toilet paper beforehand and use that after I’m finished dry-wiping.
In Indian/southeast Asian cultures people have rules for that - you only use your left hand to wash your butt and only use your right hand for food.
Same here, but …
I’m a lefty… so there’s that 😅
Since my question on bidet use for women was answered here, what about for obese people? Would using a bidet make things easier or more difficult? I see a lot here about shifting your weight and all that but I wonder if this is feasible for someone who is 100lbs + overweight.
I’ve got me some IBS, and have had a raw asshole on several occasions from the multi-poops.
Got a cold water model off Amazon for under $100, and love it. Not too much of a pain to install, and once it’s set it works great.
How I Use It
I lean forward so the cheeks open up like a delicate flower, then I turn the knob until I get a nice steady firehose blasting my asshole. I then shift my weight so the water runs along my crack, power washing each side in turn, then return to center for a final rinse of the dirty mud hole. If my butt’s a tingling from my unholy addiction to hot peppers, I might linger a bit to let the cool water soothe the pain, before finally turning off the water.
After a few seconds of dripping, it’s time for the paper. Grab a sheet or two and give a wipe, see if there’s any residue left. If so, keep wiping till it’s gone as usual, but using like 1/3 the paper you’d normally use for the same job. Now there’s no more raw asshole unless I get the shits at work and have to wipe with the literal tree bark they call toilet paper.
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Bidet poetry.
I try to wipe after bidet, and the paper disintegrates and sticks to my ass in a million pieces. What am I doing wrong?
Might be your toilet paper. My wife and I have settled on the ruffled paper as the ideal balance between softness and durability.
Since you’ll be using way less TP overall, go for the nice thick 2-3 ply with ripples it’s worth the extra cost, especially since the main purpose of the TP is now drying off instead of cleaning up.
Once you become a bidet pro and feel confident in your ability to be squeaky clean each time (I’m not afraid to go in there with some soap as if I’m in the shower after a particularly messy movement) you can opt for cutting up old undies and using them as reusable/washable towels to dry off with and stop using toilet paper all together.
Get better toilet paper and/or use more sheets.
I bought a deluxe model($400) at the beginning of the pandemic and I’ve never looked back. The model I have has a seat warmer, internal water heater, fan for drying and a few different spraying options.
I will say the fan is a bit lackluster but dries you as long as you don’t mind waiting a few mins. The different spraying options are nice - there is one called turbo mode that can be a little harsh but def leaves your butthole clean!
I honestly have no regrets at all and I’m pretty spoiled at this point. Curious to see if there’s any haters that will chime in as well.
Fan for browsing Lemmy for a bit after doing the deed.
You sit down. You turn on the spray of water. You shift around a little bit to wash around your anus. You turn the water off. You dry yourself (this also serves as an “insurance wipe” to find any shit that wasn’t washed off). That’s it.
A bidet will not cause pain if used appropriately. Toilet paper wiping is much more rough, especially when it takes 5 or 6 passes.
5 or 6? Those are rookie numbers.
Don’t stop til you see the flag of Japan.
They call him The Sharpie
💀
Just be careful about the pressure. If I don’t set mine to use both sprayers, it’s going to jet water into your ass hole.
Get a washlet brand bidet if you can. Have had mine several years now and it still works great. I miss it when I’m not at home
I have 2 bidets one electric and the other fancy and electric, I kinda like the mechanical one more. Better pressure
how do I use a bidet?
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After pooping, you continue to sit on the toilet.
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You turn the knob on the bidet handle.
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The stream sprays the shit flecks off your asshole, they go down into toilet.
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Then you use a tiny portion of the TP you are accustomed to use to dry the whole situation.
Alternatively, if your bidet has the strength and you’re manly enough not to be confused by getting ass fucked every day, loosen up a bit and let the mighty Poseidon fuck your ass, then push the water [and the extra poop] out once you feel the water mounting up. Repeat a few times, then tighten back up for the wiping shot.
Warning: this can make your anal muscles lazy, and it’s admittedly taboo to get ass fucked by your bidet, but I’ll swear by it until the day someone tells me it causes cancer, and then I’ll keep swearing by it until I get cancer.
I mean…I started out getting buttfucked by my bidet and now I’m leaning hard into being bisexual.
This is interesting. I started out getting butt fucked by men, and now I’m very bidet-curious (because it might make it easier and more convenient to get butt fucked by men).
As someone who doesn’t get butt fucked by men, I think it WOULD be convenient; it’s a great and quick douching solution. I do think bidet water pressure and even positioning/toilet shape play a big role here, though, so do keep that in mind. I’ve installed a bunch of them in other bathrooms for friends and family and haven’t gotten as ass fucked by those as by the one in my own bathroom.
… sometimes I forget that comments on lemmy aren’t like reddit. I’m not just saying things into a void here, and people might actually see it. Lol. Now I’m embarrassed, but also very appreciative of the information!
Forget the gay agenda, beware the bisexual bidet
So…you ass gargle? I am greatly amused, mildly curious and slightly horrified all at once.
The horror fades away and the glory of a clean and sophisticated ass overcomes all.
All except weak rectal muscles apparently lol
this can make your anal muscles lazy
Do you have a source on this one?
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