I know this is probably a shitposting meme. And my wife and my female friend, when I asked them, both laughed and said, “Yeah all the time.” I can’t tell if it’s sarcasm.
I asked this because Im a guy, and we’ve heard it all before. The guy plowing a warm apple pie. The ookie cookie BS. The jerk off with a sock. Dudes have done some weird things. I absolutely have found myself relieving some stress in interesting ways.
But veggies: Is this a common thing? Am I going to have to worry that my daughter, when she reaches a curious age, starts exploring with vegetables?
During puberty, should I start giving my children Amazon gift cards or no questions ask money to protect my produce?
I am aware this question is ridiculous and I am prepared to be ridiculed.
During puberty, should I start giving my children Amazon gift cards or no questions ask money to protect my produce?
That’d make you the coolest dad ever.
Or totally creep out your kids. “OMG dad knows what I’m doing! And he wants me to keep doing it apparently, I’m going to fucking die.”
It would probably be a lot less awkward coming from the mom. I feel like it would be like a father having the “period talk” with his daughter (obviously this happens in the case of single dads but that’s not the point I’m making), it’s super awkward for both parties involved.
I mean it doesn’t have to be “happy birthday, I got you a sybian, hope you like the red one with the racing stripes!” You can just give them an amazon or VISA gift card and simply not ask what they spend it on.
I see what you’re saying, but if you randomly come out and say “Here, I got you an Amazon gift card out of the blue, buy whatever you want” they’re going to know whats up. Also, I’m pretty sure most dads would rather not have that thought in their mind when they see an Amazon box addressed to their daughter and she runs to her room to open it up.
I mean giving them an Amazon gift card doesn’t exactly say “I know you’re going to buy a sex toy with this” especially if you’re not outright saying that to them, but giving them the option to spend some money on that is a lot better than the alternatives.
I see what you’re saying, but if you randomly come out and say “Here, I got you an Amazon gift card out of the blue, buy whatever you want” after they did something like this they’re going to know whats up. Also, I’m pretty sure most dads would rather not have that thought in their mind when they see an Amazon box addressed to their daughter and she runs to her room to open it up. I’m 38 and my dad is your typical “Dirty Old Man” that started making sexual comments about women around me when I was like 13, but I don’t think I ever felt comfortable talking about anything like this around him until I was like 19 or 20.
That’s true, but it would still be awkward either way if they did something like this, and I would think that a gift card is still probably better than the alternative of them continuing to use produce for this or a worse alternative.
(Relevant to the tweet, not to OP’s question)
One of my favorites. RIP Trevor Moore.
Rip Travis, he came and he went.
Most teens don’t want to put anything up there because it hurts, even tampons hurt as a virgin especially with 0 lube. I never liked regular dildos, most women do not orgasm through penetration. So I would say they are messing with you. I’ve had guys ask me if I ever experimented with pencils or rulers because if they were a girl they would do it. No, wtf only guys think women are like this.
Uhh. Hi, woman here…RIP my inbox but I think it’s important parents talk to teenagers of all genders about this and consider having them look for toys they can experiment with if they express interest. Just because we don’t orgasm from penetration doesn’t mean it feels bad lol. Better they have toys available so they’re less likely to use something inappropriate.
I agree parents should talk with their kids, I never meant to allude to that. But I disagree that penetration doesn’t feel bad, for me it feels painful without lube and with lube it feels not painful but never enjoyable. Vibrators are the only thing that feels good, that much is universal among the women I’ve talked to.
Well, not that I think it has to be your experience by any means, that’s part of the beauty of life - we’re all a bit different and into different things. I do quite enjoy penetration without need for lube (I mean, I do need to have natural lube, obviously). I usually get myself there with just hands and might use a dildo when I’m worked up enough. Vibrators are great, no doubt. I don’t typically use toys, though, honestly. I did more in my teens when I was ignorant to how my body worked lol. Which is why I wrote the OG comment…I didn’t have appropriate toys, and it caused some shame on occasion. I knew it felt good but didn’t feel safe talking to my parents about it.
Understandable. I was never into penetration and thought I was weird but after talking to more women and then reading Come As You Are, it clicked that I was actually normal and in the majority (80% are like me). Not that being in the minority is weird, if you read the book you’ll find that is actually normal too. I hate masturbation or sex without a vibrator lol. I never felt safe talking to my parents either, they were super religious and invaded my privacy regularly. I was an adult before getting toys, and everything sex related sucked before them.
My understanding is 80% of people with a uterus don’t climax from penetration, not that we find it necessarily unenjoyable (which is true for me, too; I do need clitoral stimulation to climax). I’ve taken courses on women’s studies, feminist philosophy, etc. to overcome the problematic religious attitudes my parents had, too - and lots of therapy! I’ll see if my library has that book available, though. I’m always interested in learning more.
I’m really sorry you had that experience growing up, though, that’s awful. As normal as our experiences felt to us having privacy invaded and all the shame, that much shouldn’t be normalized! I’m glad you’ve found what works for you, and I wish you all the most pleasurable experiences around it throughout the rest of your life 💝
It feels like nothing but rubbing for me? Idk. But I definitely recommend the book. I’m not saying those 80% hate penetration, but it isn’t a big part. I know when I talked to my gyno about painful sex, she said use plenty of lube and orgasm before penetration. Very good advice in case anyone needs it.
I’m glad you found relief from the religious oppression. We need less shaming and better sex ed for everyone. Thanks for your wishes, I wish you the same!
Oh gotcha, I totally agree it’s not a big part at all! Honestly, I didn’t experience an orgasm until well after I became sexually active, and very rarely with a partner since. It’s extremely important to me as I’m back “on the market” now and have really struggled in past relationships with it. I enjoy the whole aspect to it, exploring whole bodies, but I would very much like to find a relationship where my partner prioritizes helping me climax and has some patience with me on it.
By chance, did you talk with your gyno about vaginismus? Not sure if I’m spelling that right, but I’ve had a few friends mention that it’s painful, one friend saying she couldn’t wear tampons or anything. I could see why orgasming first would help the muscles to relax
Girls experiment.
You can downvote me but my girlfriend literally did what you’re describing with a pencil when she was younger, I’m sure she’s not the only girl in the world to have done that.
I’m not going to down vote you lol, I haven’t down voted anyone in this thread. There is no wrong answer or response. I do feel bad for her though, pencils are sharp even when unsharpened, I can’t imagine that felt good. Did she wrap it in a condom? How old was she?
Fuck knows, I didn’t ask. Young, I think. Maybe it was the blunt end?
I’ve seen a girl use a syring (without the needle) and put a ziplock bag over it and fuck herself on cam with me. College teens are horny and creative lol
We’re all horny and creative - seen one use a deodorant can… in the front of the car… while I was driving…and stuck in traffic.
Those of us who don’t live with parents just don’t need to get creative - just buy what you want, or want to try, or your partner wants to try. Three drawers committed to turning her into a sexy puddle.
Wow, you’re quite a connoisseur
Getting there myself. My girl deserves every piece of joy she can get, and I do too (hehe)
I wouldn’t say connoisseur - it’s like they select fine wine and appropriate pairings after careful consideration. We’re more like “24 pack and a goon bag” and see where we end up. Never stop trying new things and exploring with someone you trust.
That’s pretty cool!
Yeah we have one such set that includes just about everything to spice things up. Not necessarily best grade stuff, but a nice starting point to figure out good directions!
Found the Australian? Or is it the states that use goon bag? I thought it was space bag in the states.
Kiwi, but we use similar lingo.
Ah, sorry. I am not too well versed in the lingo over there (Aus or Kiwi). I based my entire comment off of a song (wingnut dishwashers union - Jesus does the dishes). The original lyric mentions space bags, but when the artist was in Aus he changed it to goon bags. Didn’t think I’d learn that much from a folk-pink song. Also worth checking out if you wanna hear someone playing acoustic guitar and yelling.
Yo, this is a real actual human person right here.
Men would be asking me the most heinous of shit and I literally had nothing to do with them. Like, what? I think things are better now, cause I’m older. But hot damn, the shit I was being asked if I reversed it I’d be like asking if when they are fucking a girl do they make sure to jizz on their face or some shit. Like wtf who the fuck asks this just sitting around talking to someone they just met or are (platonically, in a group) having some chow with!?
Some people talk about sex freely. In college everyone in my friend group knew who all fucked who. My ex girlfriend made a drawing connecting everyone with lines. It was pretty damn funny.
Oh for sure, I am stanky pirate but like - there’s like talking about sex freely and being a homophobic dickweed. And growing up I got so many micro-aggresive bullshit homophobic shit-shit questions. But I am pretty different than some folks (personally) in which I don’t fuck friends. Cause a lot of them are found family for me and they act as sisters, brothers, and the likes. And I ain’t about that life. But I am friends with some of my exes. But it’s not on that level. Like, I wish them well and am happy they’re doing okay in their lives. Having a solid talk every now and then is cool. But I always figured exes are exes for a reason, and I’m not terribly close with any of them. Although, like I said I mean really - all the best to them as a whole.
My gal fucks her friends. She’s like totally different than me. So I know different strokes for different folks. And it’s not to say I didn’t “get it in” or wasn’t a raunchy pirate hooker. I just draw the boundary within my own existence and honestly I am pretty happy overall with the folks I have gotten the sweetness to carry with me thus far in life. And I hope that someday if/when I am old I still have at least some of them around.
I can’t even remember what the person said up there. And the post so and such isn’t showing it. But I think what I was seeing if I remember correctly was someone stating that it’s not all about penetration (although it can be, and have at if that’s your jam), it’s not all about fucking (although yet again - if that’s your priority - have at), but that there are some real sexual issues that hit folks with the female sex that could supersede the issue.
I also think you know probably a majority of people who responded were more than likely guys, and I saw this person - as someone who had to at least be female-sexed. I mean I don’t know their life. But it sounds like that’s whatsup. But it is an assumption, so like - at the end of the day I think I put person.
And I don’t know your life, although I’m gunna assume you like The Pixies (=P) but lots of dudes over my lifetime and been putting their dick-brains (as in talking with their dicks) and harassing the fuck out of me whether I knew them or not all over the joint. The other stuff is straight homophobic, but I will say in general that most people who are female presenting in some way are gunna be harassed and that’s what I am talking about.
My two sibbies stole butt-plugs from me at one point in my life. Do not like that. Found out much later. Had they come to me, I would have grabbed them anything they want. I was, and still am hella sex-positive. Only difference is that I am now in a long-term dedicated monogamous relationships and I have health issues that have overall affected my life in general so it’s not like sex is my tippy-top “chase the cat” prerogative. More so I just want to stay as physically healthy as I can, so that I can have the best quality of life I can. So like, still get down. Do my thing. Have a great gay life. But I am older (not like so damn old, but def people aren’t out here just crossing my boundaries like they are getting paid to) so I think that the guys are more chill, I live in a completely different area that anything else I’ve ever lived in before (which is less openly social as a whole so I don’t think most guys are out here just cat-calling people anyways), and I feel pretty ambivalent on the whole sex scene outside of my bedroom because I don’t have any skin in the game.
If any of that makes sense. Idk. But either way, it’s all about whatever floats your boat. You know? But it’s pretty funny though as a whole you saying what you’re saying because I might be the least censored individual I have ever been around. Cause I am a real fuck-face. But it is what it is.
p.s. - I don’t give a fuck what guys be doing, let alone heterosexuals as a whole with their sexual stuff. I’m happy if you’re happy. But I literally never could give an actual fuck. Which might sound hetero-phobic - but by that I mean do you. Do I care? Nah. And I would love, love, love if people came at me with that energy instead of asking me stupid ass shit. That basically invalidated my sexual experiences.
That bit about tampons isn’t true at all, and has nothing to do with virginity. Nothing fundamentally changed about your body when you had sex. You were just using tampons badly.
You’re probably right, I never used lube with tampons but if I did it might not have hurt so bad. I did feel it was less tight putting them in once my virginity was gone but it still felt like tearing using them so maybe that was just me. Just now I tried searching but all I got was tampons don’t take your virginity which I already knew and was not trying to imply. I use cups now with lube and it is much better than tampons for me.
Edit:
Will tampons hurt with endometriosis?
They can, but the tampon pain associated with endometriosis tends to be similar to endometriosis dyspareunia, a term used to describe pain during sex. With endometriosis, a tampon can cause a heavy pain felt deep in the abdomen, or cramping.
Sometimes the tampon pain related to endometriosis also can cause your vaginal muscles to tense, causing a sharp pain at the entrance of the vagina when inserting or removing a tampon.
TINA tip: If you have endometriosis, speak with your doctor about which options for managing your period might be most comfortable. Speak up about how you’re feeling so your doctor can help you determine which type of pain relief options might work for you.
TIL I may have had endometriosis this whole time. I was wondering how I was using tampons wrong when I have heavy flows that need tampon+pad to manage.
https://www.tinahealthcare.com/blogs/learn/tampons-cause-pain-or-discomfort
🍿
did you catch Poor Things?
Best with vaginal yogurt dressing.
Cecilia Westbrook, an MD/PhD student at the University of Wisconsin, and her friends wondered why there are so many semen-based recipes and nothing on Google about cooking with vaginal juices.
Wut
They’re really into equal rights.
There are though. There’s even a beer.
My guess is that the vaginal juice recipes are already there, they’re just suffering a lack of the personnel with the SEO skills to get them to the first few pages.
Did she try looking for recipes based around menstrual fluid? There are a surprising amount of those.
I did not need to know that, thanks.
The only thing I can assume is that these recipes are created by vampires for vampires that don’t want to bite people.
From my personal experience: There are a good number of… well basically self-taught witches, who use menstrual blood (among other things) for various rituals and spells and hexes, and some of that eventually evolved into cooking.
From elsewhere: All around the world, there are various traditions, folk religion, local superstitions, most of which are quite niche, but simultaneously a lot of them also have rituals involving consumption of menstrual blood or food made with it for varying reasons.
Ah, yes, good old blood magic. As a teen (I’m a dude) I was interested in witchcraft/Wicca and watched Charmed and The Craft a lot. That makes sense once you said that. Thanks :)
“Darling, guess what? Blackberry jam is on the menu again.”
man idk, might have something to do with one being slightly easier to collect?
Lol I’d try it. I’ve probably consumed way more vaginal bacteria before anyway.
In what is best described as her ‘scientific experiment,’ Westbrook harvested healthy vaginal fluid using a wooden spoon.
😶
Yonic Yoghurt
Oh my
OP, does this happen with men? I need to know. Serious question
deleted by creator
Absolutely it does
I plead the fifth.
We don’t fuck fruits if that’s what you’re asking. Other things are fair game though. A horny (pre) teenage boy will fuck damn near anything he can fit his dick in.
Pretty sure lots of dudes would stick veggies in their ass
I’ve heard tale of a few holes being drilled in melons, too.
It was a million to one shot, Doc. Million to one
I’m just thinking of the little pokey things (spines?) on the cucumbers. Ouch.
Ribbed, for her pleasure.
~cats
Barbed, for everyone’s horror.
How dose cucumbers look where you live? Mostly the ones bought from the store.
Kinda like this. (Random internet image.)
The bumpy things are sharp.
those are pickling cucumbers here, technically also called a cucumber but you don’t really think of them as the same thing, like how raw beets are technically perfectly edible but it’s assumed you’ll pickle them.
Intresting, I have never seen a cucumber look like that. Closest are some types frown in home gardens but not even those have been that bumpy.
Here they look kind like this
So completely smooth and with around the same circumference as the bigger part of most carrots.
Looks kinda plasticky compared to the cucumbers I am familiar with. Also looks like it is missing the seeds! Interesting. Thanks for sharing with me!
They do have seeds but very very tiny ones.
yeah this is weird to me too, all the cucumbers i’ve seen are very smooth…
Not on the plant, the little spines have already been broken off before they get put on a store shelf.
Wait until you find out what Dragonfruit grows on.
Spoiler: cactus. And you can grow the seeds for your very own houseplant.
This is the modem equivalent format for an ancient dirty joke. Back in the day kids you could find collections of them in printed books, and later, entire websites solely dedicated to hosting thousands of dirty jokes. They were presented in story format, often happening to your cousin’s friend.
Not saying no one had ever had this happen to them in the history of mankind. But this is also an old dirty joke that is probably more commonly repeated than acted out.
This is the modem equivalent
Nice keming
Lol good catch. It was totally on purpose and not swipe being swipe. Yep.
Chances are, if something can be fucked or used as a dildo… somebody somewhere has done it out of horniness.
I still remember about 20 years ago a female friend told me that she masturbated using a bottle of Bawls energy drink (IDK if they even still make the stuff). It was a glass bottle that was bumpy all over (think of the divots on a golf ball, but inverse) and she apparently used it on her clit/vulva.
When I was a horny pre-teen boy and had no idea how to actually beat off, I discovered that rubbing a silk/nylon pillow with pictures of cats on it felt really good.
JD Vance fucked a couch.
Good deflection buddy. You shared, which is the important part. Progress.
The cats, right?
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Hahaha unlike my Reddit account which easily links back to me (I made it 11 years ago and didn’t heavily start using it until about 6 years ago), this has zero link to me so I have no shame.
I believe hotel rooms & their contents are specifically designed around this
it could happen, specially with teenage girls. but it’s not often. the risk is higher in the discovering and exploring phase. (I’m a woman)
No this is not normal… it’s not sanitary for one and nobody wants yeast infections. It also doesn’t really have a suitable structure for that, and the outside rind… I mean I cannot imagine that feels nice. It’s a meme more than anything like I know people are out there with food fetish and it definitely has been done by someone before but no this is very uncommon lol.
you put a condom on it to solve most of that
Or just like buy a toy meant for that
In this economy?
But a cucumber is multifunctional!
If you’re a teenager experimenting and you feel you have to hide it from your parents, getting an actual sex toy can be difficult. Tbh, when I was in that position it didn’t even cross my mind
It happens yes, but I stopped because I understood that insects / mold / organisms grow on fruit and vegetables, so I think of it as gross now, but it beat a hairbrush handle.
It’s a shitposting meme. The poster has this pinned on their twitter:
That said… I have heard horror stories about poor theater staff finding cucumbers after the 50 shades premiere. Some of it was just people memeing and trying to prank but I’m not entirely sure about all of it.
4chan greentext, but signing with your name? Brave.
don’t come texting me about none I said
She sounds like a smart one>
As a woman on Lemmy, I have never done this. I didn’t find penetration very comfy until I learned how to have G spot orgasms with my SO, but by then I was an adult and could buy a G spot dildo for times he wasn’t around. All I can think of with a cucumber is that something would break off inside me and I’d get an infection.
