So when I worked in last 2 roles, I’d joke around and have a laugh with colleagues, the workplace culture of those places I guess was more relaxed, but I got that sense of lack of camaderie or fellowmanship from others too during my time working.
Sorry to be naive, but is it because some people look out for themselves and it’s kind of “Yeah you’re a funny guy but uh… when shit hits the fan I ain’t there with you” kind of shtick.
Not saying these guys are assholes or anything, but I just think with the current world in any work industry it seems to be tricky to make real friendships inside and outside of work.
I don’t know if this just me but I notice that big distinction of the joking around and sharing the same invested topics (I.e. video games) but no more than that
TLDR - Confused if people are being genuine, but they don’t really “care” in a sense?
Please let me know if I’m spouting gobbledygook, thank you.
I never plan to stay very long at most jobs I’ve had. I’m just doing them because I need money. Something better comes along, I leave. So I don’t really feel like making relationships with people I don’t think I’ll work with very long.
Yeah it’s pretty gobbledygook. Don’t think you explained yourself that well.
Many people just want to do their job and go home. They don’t want to make friends. Or they have no motivation to do anything beyond what they are paid for to help the company or colleagues.
Which is totally fair enough to me. If I didn’t need to work to live I 100% wouldn’t. Even though I quite enjoy my job and like the people I work with.
I work in a restaurant and most of us are friends at this point. We drink together, smoke weed together, and generally enjoy each other’s company
I miss the restaurant. FoH was always a slow cat-fight with lots of low-key drama. You make a few friends, turn some tables, grab a beer and go home. It’s uncomplicated work (simple doesn’t always mean easy), or was in my time.
At the IT jobs you have the passionate and the jobbers. I enjoy debating stupid tech things with people but I get that at the end of the day they all go home to their families and real friends after. Our big deal is that even when we’re fighting or Dave’s being a right prick today, we can cooperate and work together like professional adults; and then some of us will hotly debate when and why ipv6 will never happen or something lile that.
But that may be an IT thing. They throw you together for a few years until they cut away half your team, and you have to decide how close you are as friends. The job I quit last year, some of us are on great terms, and we’re meeting tonight. I’m still on a Skype chat - sometimes a call, usually a rolling chat - with some peers from 2003.
There’s no rule that requires you to be friends with your workmates. Sometimes you are, but don’t force it. If you can work professionally with the dinks and make 1-2 actual friends, that’s maybe okay. Ultimately you need to survive work to live, and a good social connection is a bonus that isn’t always gonna happen.
Restaurant friendships are smth else 👌👌
After a few decades of working my default is to avoid making close connections with coworkers outside of work because of the trouble it can cause at work. I don’t want to be at work in the first place, why make more trouble when I can instead just be professional and get along with everyone in the context of the work itself?
Did you mean Camaraderie?
Yeah sorry lol, Guess the autocorrect didn’t fix it there for me!
They’re just there for a paycheck, relax. Just do the job and head home.
Cause your workplace sucks?
In my experience Boomers, Gen X and older Millennials generally want to socialize at work. They grew up in a office environment where you were constantly around your coworkers and social media was in its infancy.
Younger Millennials and GenZ mostly want to make a paycheck and go home. They generally don’t want to socialize with people outside of their circle. I sometimes think genZ is way happier at home 24/7 and don’t want human interaction. Could also be they just don’t have the money for it.
Anomie
As a non american working for americans in a american company, yes you guys have a very formal/not friendly culture, but i guess it also depends on the company. This is the first time in my professional life I feel like I have to pay atention to every single word I say.
It really depends where you work. I’ve seen places where nobody says anything because they can’t trust each other, and others where we say whatever we want because we all understand each other.
The more corporate the place is, the more restrictions you’ll have on interactions to “protect the brand”.
The place I work everyone is really nice and helpfull, I really love working here, but everyone is very “professional” and formal all the time. There is no chating in the cooler or talking about the Olympics. Is business only 100% of the time which can be mentally tiring
Trust me, as someone who has that right now I dearly wish I didn’t. It’s false & unhelpful. Especially when there needs to be a painful change but people refuse.
You find good friends whenever you happen to be in the same place. Your personalities are compatible, and you like to hang out together. You had to go to some place that is a shared interest, after all, to meet that person in the first place. Like a local bar, or a bowling league, or whatever.
Your workplace can be a source of good friends, but people aren’t there based on shared interests, they are there because someone pays them all to be there. So the chances that you find someone compatible enough to want to spend time outside of work is slim, because you are not there out of any particular shared interest other than your career.
The real problem is that the amount of “third places” (like bars and bowling alleys) are decreasing. People spend so much on their housing that they can’t afford to go somewhere else to socialize, and are much more likely to just stay home and interact with their collected virtual friends online.
And also the fact that so much of our work is remote now. I am fully remote and my “team” is spread out worldwide. My work “socializing” is limited to asking people in Southeast Asia about the weather 5 minutes before the 10 pm (my time) meeting starts.
Depends on the type of “workplace” really, but generally, the answer is because work is an unstable capitalist mess and you have no confidence as a worker that you’ll have a job tomorrow, regardless of performance.
You see, your list frames a “failing” of workers to connect, while you’re ignoring the larger system in play. Kind of you walking around Nazi Germany saying, “hey, why is everyone such a frowny bummer? Marching is fun. Okay, so which three snacks would you all take to a desert island?”
Read the room, bud.
For me it’s much easier to work with people I don’t like if we’re not trying to be friends. It doesn’t matter if I like them or not. Doesn’t matter if I think they are a piece of shit or awesome. We each have skills required to get the job done, and we use them together to do it.
Butts in seats is the most important metric for our middle management. In my gig if we don’t have a full team, job can’t get done. Middle management is incentivised to have butts in seats. So good luck having any say in who is filling those roles.
Combine that with an industry full of toxic work environment. Yeah, I apply my skill set and go home. It keeps the lights on
Doesn’t matter if I think they are a piece of shit or awesome. We each have skills required to get the job done, and we use them together to do it.
I am of the same opinion, but sadly a ton of people have to like you before they will just do their damn job. Bunch of petty assholes.
sadly a ton of people have to like you before they will just do their damn job.
Sounds like management issue imho.
Also, I wonder how that turn over is looking if the job requires this lol
Word of advice–be a good person to your colleagues, and let friendship possibly develop after one of you leaves. I’ve made many friends throughout the years once we each know there is no pressure to be friends. I’ve had many job leads throughout the years because people I previously worked with thought I was a great colleague.
